CHAPTER ONE
THE NEED FOR ENCOURAGEMENT

Encouragement is one of the essentials of life. It is given and accepted or given and tossed aside, but it is never sought after. It is one of those things that we know we need but are sometimes reluctant to embrace. There are times when we wonder whether we should share our inner struggles or whether it is OK to cry openly. We are unsure about what steps to take when uncertainty wraps us around its waist, but at the same time we are hesitant to ask for help. We may long for a friendly hug, a caring smile, or the assurance of acceptance. Encouragement is the gentle touch of a friend whose motives are pure. It is the knowledge that family is there for you, no matter what. It is knowing that there is eternal life after death, that cancer is not the end, that a deceased loved one who walked with God will meet you again. Encouragement, my friend, is what you and I desperately need when the going gets tough.

When things are not going according to our plan, the day may appear lackluster and everything may seem dismal, but hang in there. You need to know that God cares about you and there is someone else who cares about you as well. You are special. Not for what you do. Not for what you have accomplished. Not for what you have given away. You are special because you are created in the image of Almighty God.

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them (Gen 1:27).

God holds humanity in high regard, so much so, that in spite of our human weaknesses, we still bear a part of His likeness.

When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor. You made him ruler over the works of your hands; you put everything under his feet (Psalm 8:3-6).

Because we are created in His image, we should treasure human life and resist the temptation to hate and murder. With the realization of our god likeness we must refrain from turning our backs on those in need, those who are human, those who are created by God. It is this realization of our humanity that causes people to reach outside of themselves and help others. If you have ever given or received encouragement, then you will be able to understand its value and focus your gaze on encouraging others. This journey we call life is long but at the same time very short, and we need one another. There are no lone rangers. If you are traveling alone, let me hold your hand because whether you are aware of it or not, you will need a hand. Maybe not right now, maybe not yesterday, but tomorrow you will. Days get long, tasks become mundane, and dealing with people can be taxing. The days go by quickly and before we are fully aware, our parents’ age, we too become less agile, and creases appear where there was once only smooth skin. We look into the mirror to see strands of gray here and there, and at night as you moisturize your face you notice the lines around your eyes. What do you do? The doctor tells you that you need a colonoscopy, you must lower your cholesterol, go to the chiropractor for the back pains, and some of you are told you must go under the knife in order to stay alive. If you look at all those things by themselves you will become depressed. People do not toast themselves with glee as they come face to face with aging and illness. Most accept is and share their ache with someone they trust. The older we get, the more we realize that life is fleeting.

Life is short because of the suddenness of some sicknesses and death (cf. Jas 4:14). When the one you love passes away, eighty years suddenly feel like ten. It is during times of sickness and loss that we need a hand, if not to hold us, to help us back onto our feet. We need encouragement. We don’t voice that need out loud, nor should we, but those around should be able to sense the need and draw close. How attuned are you to the need of those around you? We need to become alert in this area so that we can recognize when one of our community members need support. By community member I mean a friend, neighbor, church member, or coworker. It could even be the woman that you see at the gym every Wednesday at the Pilates class. When someone that we see often is absent from the usual place of meeting, we should inquire about her. That is caring. That is encouraging.

The Bible tells us to encourage one another as we await the return of our Lord (cf. Heb 10:25), but it does not tell us that we are entitled to receive encouragement from others. Encouragement is not a Christian right to be received, but a Christian discipline to cultivate and bestow on others. In other words, seek to give encouragement rather than to expect it from others. Let me be clear here. While we shouldn’t have expectations of others, we do. Most people who are healthy emotionally do not desire nor need ongoing affirmation. Personally, I become uncomfortable when given too much praise. A little from time to time is all I can take. However, in certain situations, we look to those we know and love, to come to our aide. I would be dishonest if I did not admit that there were times when I noticed that specific people that I had been a blessing to did not help me when I needed help. This was especially true when my grandmother passed away in Jamaica. Her death was sudden and a surprise to my entire family. I expected to receive a card from my church family especially since we were a small body and my husband was in leadership there, but I did not. I don’t know why, but I would have been encouraged had gotten a card, signed by someone, on behalf of the church. Only two people at the church, the oldest women, took the time to send me a card. There were women that I had given to and responded to with kindness during their times of need, but they did not send me a note of condolence or called my house to see how I was doing. To be fair to them, I don’t know what was happening in their lives at the time, and maybe they had problems of their own with which they were dealing. I wanted them to reach out to me. I felt very lonely after returning home, especially since a Hurricane Dean slammed the island the day after I left. I was worried for my family’s safety and the drive from Atlanta (where I had flown from) made me weary. I lived in Florida and I had to drive back all alone except for the Suze Orman CD’s on Women & Money that kept my tears at bay. Even though I was listening to the CD’s I would pause them periodically and just pray. I cannot adequately describe my emotions but I felt God’s protective hand over me-in the midst of my loneliness. It would be uncouth of me to tell those women that I felt they should have sent me a card or that they should have called. But while I did not verbalize it, I thought it. I felt this way after the doctor’s office sent a card, and when others with whom I was not close, sent cards. So, while we don’t ask for encouragement, we do notice when people with whom we rub shoulders, move their shoulders away when we need them the most. I was very hurt and disappointed but I was able to move beyond that and allow God to soothe me. I had to realize that even though those people were too busy to call or send a card, God was not too busy for me. I had to take my focus off them and place it on God. My friend Diane encouraged me to let go of the hurt and to allow God to fill that pain. I fasted and prayed for two weeks and God healed my heart. Toward the end of the two weeks, the hurt melted away like butter on a kitchen counter on a hot summer day. I was then able to continue to love and give to them, and God has blessed me. God used other people to comfort and help me during that difficult time. Be warned that as you give encouragement you will receive it as well, not necessarily from the people to whom you give it, but you will get it. Encouragement is circular. It’s shaped like a round wedding band. You cannot see where the ring first piece of gold starts or where it ends. There is no connecting line. The jeweler binds the gold together so that there is no break in the composition of the ring, just a circle that never outdoes itself. When you decide to become a giver and you share your life with others, you become a circle that will not be outdone, whether in time of joy or in time of sorrow.

When trouble comes we are rarely prepared. Often we are blindsided and caught unaware. No one sits around wondering when someone will hurt their feelings, say unkind things about them, accuse them wrongfully, or misuse their kindness. The average man or woman goes about his or her day attending to the things at hand and planning for the things ahead. When tragedy hits, we can become discouraged and it is then that we need encouragement.

We must never think we are alone in the world. There is someone else who has already walked down the path you are about to begin. When you turn the corner and breathe the fresh air of relief as you overcome your problem, remember that there is someone else about to begin that walk. Perhaps, as a result of your journey and experience, you can offer a helping hand and energizing encouragement. You can offer friendship and hope. You may bring about a smile from a heart that has been beset by sadness and tears. Because of the experience of your suffering and the things you have learned along the way, you can offer friendship and community. Do not underestimate the value of your past experience. I had to remember this truth when just two weeks after my grandmother “Mum” was buried, my other grandma who was friends with my Mum, passed away. Those whom have endured suffering and have managed to overcome the obstacles with grace and perseverance, have depth. This is especially true if Christ is at the center of their lives. When you talk with them, you can hear it in their words and see it in their expressions. Time and experience leave a lasting legacy on those who have managed to learn and grow from their experiences. These people, and perhaps you know someone of this caliber, are steady. They are not easily swayed by the changing fad of the time.

I have observed many older people who have weathered many storms, and I am often humbled as I listen to their testimony and their encouragement. I love old people because I learn from them. If you do not have a relationship with an older Christian, get one. You will be amazed at the lessons you will learn and you will leave their presence encouraged and rejuvenated every time. When they talk about God, it is always with resolve and praise. When they tell you to put your trust in God without wavering, it is because they have experienced His mighty provision. When they tell you to stay away from evil, it is because they have seen what a life of sin can do. Listen.

I have learned to listen to the advice of older people, and when I am tempted to stray I can hear their words as it were, in my mind, telling me to “Run from evil!” They remind me of the deadly effects of sin. They reassure me that all that glitters is not gold, and that the payment for foolish living is sorrow and shame. They confirm what the Scriptures teach about listening to wise counsel, and tuning my ears to gain understanding. They repeat God’s truth in my ears. The book of Proverbs warns us about the tragic end of those who live life without God. We need to be reminded and encouraged about these truths over and over again. If we do not hear the Word of God over and over again, we are likely to run amuck and shipwreck our lives.

My friend, Tom, has been a major encourager in my life. I met Tom while working in Arcadia. On one particular summer evening, I walked out of my office to find that I had a flat tire. I was the last to leave the office, as was often the case, so I had no one to ask for help. A friendly old man named Kermit was sitting out on the benches. He called his friend, Tom, who came to help me. What an encouragement and relief that was to me. Tom got out his wrench and all the tools needed to change my tire, and in no time I had a spare in the place where the flat had been. I was grateful. I offered to pay Tom but he was embarrassed at the very thought of taking money from a “young lady,” as he called me. He gave me a Hershey bar and I was soon on my way home. What I did not know was that Tom and I would become dear friends and that God would use me to lead Tom to Christ. Tom not only supported me financially while I was in seminary, he introduced me to Pastor Alex who told me to trust God in every single situation. I can still hear his Honduran voice in my mind, echoing “God is a way-maker!” There was something about the way he said those words that confirmed to me that he had proven what he was telling me. His were words of experience. I needed to hear those encouraging words and I have held on to them as one does his paycheck on Friday. Pastor Alex’s words have touched my life so deeply, that they have encouraged me when I was in difficult situations and I have been able to encourage others with them. Think about some of the things you’ve said lately, and ask yourself whether you have given your listeners food for thought. Too often we talk nonsense, words without lasting value, words without depth. Many times good people appear foolish because of the things they do and say.

The Bible tells us to listen to wise counsel and abstain from foolishness. When you make mistakes, it is my hope that you will learn from them. As you learn, you have more wisdom to share. When you make a mess of things, you can learn from that experience and warn others of the danger of repeating your mistake. And as you go to God and allow His Word to work in your heart, you have a message of hope to share. This message of hope is that there is a God who loves us so deeply that He sent His only Son to die for us, so that we can be in fellowship with Him. We can have a relationship, an intimate one, with God. The message of hope is the message of life, and the message of life is for today as well as for eternity. You can be a messenger of that hope of which I speak. You have the ability, right now, wherever you are, to help someone who is truly in need, whether physically or spiritually. What a waste it would be, if all that life consisted of were disappointment, and no way in which to churn out something positive and beneficial from the disappointing blows. If you are one who seeks to follow the teachings of Jesus Christ, then your perspective will be influenced by hope, and you will have a God-based foundation for it. You will have a Christian community from which to gain encouragement.

When we read through the letters of the Apostle Paul, we see a man who had every reason to be hopeless and depressed. If anyone had the right to complain about the hard blows life dealt him, it was Paul. However, not only did he rejoice in his many sufferings, he used the sufferings as a platform on which to encourage others. He allowed his sufferings to validate his teaching. After all, when one who has experienced beatings, threats, hunger, illness, and abandonment, tells you that there is hope in Jesus Christ, he speaks out of his experience. Experience is a powerful testimony to use with others. Paul rejoiced in the midst of his suffering and his joy was the pivot for his encouragement. He was able to attain a heavenly perspective when things did not go well with him; therefore I can trust what he says about joy, hope in Christ, and the energy of encouragement.